The Dead and the Damned (2011) - Review

The Dead and the Damned (2011). Starring David A. Lockhart, Camille Montgomery and Rick Mora.

One star.

Originally published on Monday, March 17, 2014.

SPOILERS

Aka Cowboys and Zombies, this movie makes me want to gouge out my fucking eyeballs with knittings needles, as described by a performance artist attempt to portray a LSD user at a school assembly many moons ago.

Essentially, there are two plots that converge. The main story involves a bounty hunter named Mortimer (Lockhart). We can only assumed his last name is "Snerd." Anyway, Mortimer is hot on the trailer of an alleged Apache rapist named Wolf (Mora). To lure Wolf out in the open, Mortimer purchases a bride to order named Rhiannon (Montgomery). Mortimer stakes her out as bait to entice Wolf. Upon encountering the "villain," however, Mortimer contends with protested innocence from Wolf. While they fistfight and Bicker over inconsequential matter, we are treated to Rhiannon bathing topless several times.

Meanwhile at the local town, one of the village idiots has brought back a glowing meteor (a cross between the Jody Verrill meteor from Creepshow and the giant piece of frozen airline feces from Joe Dirt). This causes the townsfolk to turn into zombies. Pretty soon, either everyone ends a zombie or just dead. That is, with the exception of Rhiannon She is saved by, of all things, some German bounty hunter that's randomly tossed into the story.

Dear fucking god, this is the kind of movie that makes you want to stay away from Redbox for the rest of your life. The thing is, I didn't even this rent steaming pile of horse manure. It was one of my co-workers, WHO TOLD ME IT WAS A PRETTY GOOD MOVIE! He is one of the same guys who incessantly ridicules the films I watch. Also, this movie looks like it was shot in New Zealand, but it says California in the credits. I'm not convinced.

Originally published on Monday, March 17, 2014.