Three stars.
(SPOILERS)
And what a body it is!
I am the least biggest fan of Diablo Cody. I still think her writing's equivalent to processed Asian carp and she definitely didn't help the Evil Dead remake (though she only polished the dialog). However, she did something right when she wrote the script for this movie.
And you know what? Everybody else hates this movie. They all love Juno, one of the most pretentious sacks of shit I've ever seen committed to celluloid. I never want to see another object ironically depicted as a hamburger again (fuck you Cartoon Network). But everyone hated this movie. And why? Oh yeah, because people had problems following the story?
The only real gripe I have about this movie is some of the dialog. I could never wrap my mind around the fact people think Cody is in touch with how young people talk. Shit like, "You're totally jello" or "he's extra salty" are some really forced insertions into conversation. I guess maybe young girls circa 2009 talked like this, I dunno. It does sound really moronic. I'm surprised the conversations didn't use the word "like" 50,000 times per sentence.
The film opens with narration from Needy (Seyfried), a teenage girl living in a mental hospital. She recounts the story of her friend Jennifer (Fox),the numero uno hot-girl in the school. The title Jennifer's Body is derived, in part, from the song of the same name by the band Hole. The song can be heard towards the end, when the secondary protagonist escapes and seeks ultimate vengeance on the true villains of the piece. Needy details their codependent relation, affectionately referred to as "sandbox love." This draws the ire of Needy's dorky drum-playing boyfriend Chip (Simmons), who has problems accepting this because of Jennifer's manipulations and abuse of the friendship. The whole thing goes awry when Jennifer and Needy travel to a dive bar on the outskirts of their home town, Devil's Kettle. Jennifer wants see a indie rock band from the city called Low Shoulder, who are playing a one-night only set. The band is fronted by this slimy, Adam Levine-wannabe lead singer named Nikolai (Adam Brody), who quickly takes advantage of the impressionable Jennifer. But before they can do another Gavin Degraw or Jason Mraz cover, the bar suspiciously catches on fire and results in the deaths of most of the patrons. Needy and Jennifer make it out, along with all of the members of Low Shoulder. Jennifer takes off with their band in the aptly-described "rape van," while Needy stays behind as she distrusts Nikolai and company.
However, things turn out worse for Jennifer than imagined. The dopey members of the band have plans to sacrifice her to Satan, in exchange for a boost in their music career. Jennifer is ungraciously dispatched while Nikolai and his band-mates sing "Jenny/8675-309." Afterwards, her corpse is discarded in a mysterious abyss-like whirlpool that shares the name of the town. It works for the guys (and there's this running joke about a god-awful power ballad they sing reminiscent of "The Reason" by Hoobastank), but there's one problem. The ritual called for a virgin. Nikolai chose Jennifer because he took her for the prissy high school chick that never puts out. Unbeknownst to him, Jennifer is not only the hottest high school chick in the entire area, she's also the loosest girl. At one point, she informs the audience that she isn't even a backdoor virgin anymore.
As a result, Jennifer returns from Hell as a succubus, chowing down on men like a fat kid at the Golden Corral buffet. Needy learns this, eventually realizing that she has those very designs on Chip. Because nobody believes her, she desperately attempts to stop her former friend at every point before it's too late.
We get a couple of good appearances in this one too from J.K. Simmons as the high school principal and Chris Pratt as Roman, Jennifer's non-friend with benefits. It was ridiculous how the critics bashed this movie before its release. It was simply a snark campaign that limited the earning potential of a really entertaining film. The concept wasn't original by any means, but the plot is somewhat fresh and has a great cast. Don't listen to the Megan Fox hate either, because she is well placed in the role of demonic temptress. Even after watching her savagely tear men apart, I can't help but wonder if that ain't one awesome way to go!
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