Bloody Murder (2000) - Review

Bloody Murder (2000).

 Starring Jessica Morris, Peter Guillemett and Michael Stone.

 One and a half stars.

 ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED OCTOBER 13, 2013

 SPOILERS

 So yeah, I didn't care for the 2009 Friday the 13th remake, reboot or whatever the hell it's supposed to be. But you know what? At least it's not the mildew crusted shower curtain that is this movie. Some people would call this a rip-off of the aforementioned series. But other than the poster art, the killer wearing a Wal-Mart five dollar goalie mask and "subtle" references, you almost wouldn't know that this was the main aim of the film. In fact, other than a few mentions to the main villain "Trevor Moorehouse," this movie is really a whodunnit. A bunch of 18-24-year-olds are summoned to this summer camp. They start getting picked off. The thing is, the legendary Moorehouse is perpetually blamed for the mysterious goings on, but it's so painfully obvious that it's one of the counsellors with an axe to grind. Since the characters in this movie tend to edge on the cardboard cutout side, let us highlight the ones that stick out like a sore thumb. The first that comes to mind is Dean. This guys is portrayed as being in his early-to-mid 20s, yet he's clearly at least 40. So naturally, he's the pervert of the group. He goes as far as to intimidate his ex-girlfriend by trying to flip her out of a canoe. This movie has a Crazy Ralph character in the form of Groundskeeper Willie Henry and he's every bit as generic as you might expect.

 Then you get Julie (Morris), our final girl as it were. Even though we actually have more than one person surviving this. According to the sketchy sources of the internets, she considers this movie to be her worst role. There's the quintessciental dickhead sheriff. I swear I'm going to come down with a case of diarrhea if one of these movies ever has a competent lawman. We get Patrick and Tobe, two male counsellors and seekers of Julie's affection. These two are bitter enemies that reunite in the face of adversity. They survive to the end with her, but WAITTIT!@#@!#@!# Holy shit, after the killer is taken out, we're shown that Trevor Moorehouse is real and kills the survivors at the end. What a twist there, M. Night. My viewing comes courtesy of a Lionsgate horror-compliation DVD, along with the 2003 sequel (to be reviewed shortly). There's also a spin-off (yes, spin-off) called The Graveyard. To quote Crow from the Red Zone Cuba episode of MST3K, "This movie dares you to watch it!" Definitely the case here. This movie moves so slow, you almost forget there's supposed to be a killer running amok. It almost reminds you some weird christian comedy films with David A.R. White. Yet, for reasons the most enlightened among us can't understand, these movies are popular in Britain. Go figure.